Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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