he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
