We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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