I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You took a bar mat shot.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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