Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
