My cat gives me a boner
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Houston, we have a blender
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
