Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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