i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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