It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
