So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
