I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
