it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
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Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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