When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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