Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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