this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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