he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
