I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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