Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
