having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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