He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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