I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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