My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
