I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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