I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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