Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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