I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Let's paint friendship bongs
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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