we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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