For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
