If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
