I just threw up on my dentist
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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