Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So vagazzling was a success
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
