Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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