Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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