I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
