What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
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That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
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to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have already put on my inside pants.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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