People with herpes should wear stickers.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
