He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
