Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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