I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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