I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
this boner is exhausting
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
