farters have to be the big spoon...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
