it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Boobs are out for the taking
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
