Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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