3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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