is your mom at the bar?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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