Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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