never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
