Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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