I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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