I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
