My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
