Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
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would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”