The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.