i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs