The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.