Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
