i just wanna soil my oats bro
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.