I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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