Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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