Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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