I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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