I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
