Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
