pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize