Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
