Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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