It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
