Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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