fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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