I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
