Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
