so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
